TOMORROW IS THE DAY

In honor of my surgery tomorrow I would like to share with you a video that Rob and I made. Let's just say I deal with stress through humor... and sock puppets.
I dedicate this video to anyone that took it upon themselves to make a snap judgement about me and my delicate decision to have this surgery. It wasn't an easy choice to make and to be quite honest there are some jerks out there that made it even harder. I am doing this for me, the end.

Sock Puppet Theater from Rob Imbs on Vimeo.

Slammogram

Mild discomfort my a**. I'm not trying to scare anyone out there but the mammogram was kind of traumatic. I understand that I had to have it done before the surgery but it wasn't fun. The place I went to has a good rep and I am told it is better than some of the other places around. I had to go for three rounds of painful mammogram xrays with awkward/scared waits in a small room in between. Then an even more awkward ultrasound. They thought they found a spot. It turns out it was nothing but tissue but it was a really tense 3 hours. I was scared not only of them finding something but of the possibility of having to push back the surgery until they found out more. You just feel so vulnerable and off in that gown... Here is a very honest self portrait I took that day. ps 9 more days.

bffs?

   Diamonds are a girls best friend? Try heating pad is a girls best friend. I use a heating pad to help with back pain every single day. Even in 90+ degree summer weather. I also use my car seat warmer even in the middle of the summer just to get some kind of relief on the go. It's pretty much a norm for me but sounds way more lame and sad typing it out here...
   I have found the best type of heating pads are the cloth ones that are corrugated with rice in them that can be microwaved. They are safer to fall asleep with than an electric pad and also provide a long lasting damp heat that is great on sore muscles. I usually go through one a year and get them on etsy or at craft fairs. I will say that even after surgery I will still use my heating pad to get me through Buffalo winters but hopefully not as much as a crutch.
It also helps having a wonderful giving boyfriend who will rub me every day and help work knots out. I look back and realize how much tension this subject actually caused in past relationships! I enjoy a back rub but it my case it has been one of the only thing that helps. Glad I have a keeper now- wonder how much I will need/want to be rubbed after surgery?
  I also use an herbal cruelty free version of icy hot I purchased at Whole Foods called Muscle Ice. (Note: to whom ever helps apply this type of cream- WASH your hands before touching your eyes! Poor Rob learned the hard way....)

It's days like this that are rough. My back is in bad shape. Knots that make it hard to be upright are no fun at work, and result in me rubbing up against corners like an itchy bear on a tree to try to work them out. I make jokes but I got pretty emotional when I got home. The plaguing thoughts of "what if I go through this and it doesn't help my back, what if I waited too long and am already too broken?" I have to push the what ifs out and stay confident in my choice. It's just hard when back pain has been a daily reality for a decade.I bought some yoga DVDs that focus on postures and back strength for when I recover. I may also have my pal make me a custom hoola hoop she swears by it for fun and to help back pain. Ps- mamogram tomorrow... Oh joy.

first "attempt"

   The first time I thought seriously about getting the surgery was several years ago as I was finishing up college. I had started seeing a chiropractor, and when I didn't have miracle results I thought I should at least look into it.  I made an apointment with the school health center. They were the first people to let me know how long the approval and recovery process could be. So between finals and realizing I would soon no longer have insurance I put the idea from my head for the next few years.
I have never thought of a reduction as something I should have to pay in full for. I strongly consider it a corrective NOT cosmetic surgery. My surgeon said something important to me repeatedly.

"You are trading in your current breasts for smaller breasts with scars." This is something that anyone considering the operation should consider daily when making their decision. Also note that I say anyone not just women. That's right fellas- there is such a thing as breast reductions for dudes.

Beep boop

Is it normal to have the Doogie Howser MD theme looping in your head while writing blog posts? (if you do not get this you are too young to know why it is funny ask your older brother or sister.)

the reasons

Here are some of the reasons I have decided a reduction is right for me.
- Over a decade of DAILY back pain: upper back knots, pain, tingling and burning. A constant feeling that I need to crack or adjust my back.

- Wearing dumb ugly spots bras which lead to the dreaded... DUN DUN DUN the UNIBOOB look. (I even wear a sports bra to bed every night.) Or the unflattering matronly minimizer bras. For those of you that don't know, a minimizer bra does the opposite of what the billion dollar lingerie sets out to do. It tames the ladies instead of making them bigger or pushing them up to your chin. I have a drawer full of very expensive bras that I ended up hating. Not only are you never comfortable- they have thick straps which make an appearance in pretty much any outfit with exception of OH so stylish turtle necks.
Let's take a moment to talk about strapless bras... I have tried a couple. I tugged at my sides all day and felt like a loaded slingshot ready to go off at any given moment. All joking aside I hope very much to be able to wear thin strapped/ strapless clothing after surgery.

-Unwelcome attention. Your chest is suppose to make you feel attractive/ desirable. For me it is the opposite I don't want to show off my cleavage and flaunt what I have. I just want to keep it in check so I can function comfortably. Also dudes can be creeps. Plain and simple, subtle or not. My ladies are not a gift I want to share with the world.

-I am grateful for my good health but all of these things lead to a general feeling of not being at home in my own body.